This is actually quite sad. My husbands parents went through a nasty divorce whilst I was pregnant with my eldest daughter, and naturally we got caught in the crossfire. The relationship between us and his mom was strained, to say the least, for some time, although we were still seeing her occasionally and she came to see her first granddaughter in the hospital. Things went from bad to worse when there was a huge confrontation between parents and children at the old family home, and we eventually cut contact with his mom.
Shortly afterwards she visited our home whilst my husband was at work. By nature I am not a confrontational person, and I couldn't face an argument with her, so I pretended to be out. The problem was that I had a very young baby, plus my friend and her two toddlers in the flat, so I'm fairly sure we weren't quiet enough to make her think I was out. I've often felt guilty about this ever since. While it is true she was not a very nice person back then, in hindsight I can see why, and I completely understand why she was bitter and why she acted the way she did. With the knowledge and life experiences I have since gained, I can see that I hadn't looked closely enough at her situation to have given enough consideration to our reactions, but at the end of the day it was his parents and his decision, and I had enough to cope with having just had a baby.
The sad part is I am now extremely close to my mother-in-law, in fact I would say I am closer to her than to my own mother (another sad fact - but that's another story). We made amends when my eldest was four, by which time my middle daughter was three, and she had missed out on all this time with her granddaughters.
My mother in law was at the birth of my youngest daughter, who is now seven, and she has been a wonderful nanny to all three of them, and I think we have made up for lost time. It still makes me sad to think of the lost years though, which I have told her (usually after a couple of glasses of red wine!)
It is lovely being close to your mother-in-law, especially when she sticks up for me when HE is being difficult!
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Very good post! My mother in law told me shorty after I got married that if my husband treated me like that, (we had just had an argument inf ront of her), she wouldn't put up with it! That is when I realized that my mother in law doesn't think her son does right all the time. I love my husband, but he can sure be stubborn!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right. Having lost time with someone is a terrible thing, but you have made it up and now have nothing but time to spend with her and your children and your husband. It sounds like you're using it well :)
ReplyDeleteSad story, but what a lovely happy ending!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I want to let you know that I’ve moved my blog, so to visit, just click on the link with this comment. Sorry for the bother.